A Challenge

As I entered college and my negative tendencies began to reassert themselves I knew I needed to change something. However, I had no idea where to start. So I set an appointment with one of the school counselors and figured I'd ask them what I could do.

It's funny, looking back I don't know what I was expecting. Was I expecting them to say "tell yourself I'm a positive person three times a day and you'll be fine." I didn't realize then as I know now the true work it takes to change a soul.

The day of my appointment came and I say down in the mans office. His name escapes me now but I still remember the office. Surfing pictures on the wall, a window looking onto an ivy filled wall, piles and piles of books everywhere. I told him what I wanted to do and change. He listened, nodded his head and then gave me the truth. "I don't think you'll ever be a optimist, the best you could achieve is probably a realist."

I was not expecting this response. I don't remember what I said or did, I just remember how I felt. Deflated quite a bit, but deep down a fire started. You know the fire. The one that starts when someone says you can't do something. The fire of true change and challenge. I left his office with the thought, 'I will show this man how wrong he is.'

Looking back I've wondered if maybe he did know what he was doing. Maybe he purposefully said I couldn't do it, knowing this would make me only try harder. Either way my journey towards true change had begun.

Good Morning

Life isn't what we always make it. Sometimes things just happen we have no control over. The only thing we have control over is how we act or react to circumstances and events. This is my journey of deciding to be an optimist. To learn how to see the brighter things in life, even when life kind of stinks. To see the good in every day even when the world is negative. It is an ongoing journey, one I fully expect to have to fight each step for my entire life.

But in the end, it is my journey. It is my quest. It has helped give me purpose and a way to help others. Pessimism is a hard issue and one which I feel many people struggle with. I hope my story, ideas and view of the world can help someone along. Help them to find strength to choose the more difficult path, the better path.

My journey begins when I was a boy growing up. I was always a thinker and planner. I noticed patterns and events most of my friends didn't give any notice to. So I would notice when the bus driver took a different route home which added twenty minutes to my already one hour bus ride. I would notice the flaws in the world and what I thought was the injustice of the small things.

And then I would complain.

I would point out to my friends what had happened and why it was wrong, the mistake someone else had made. I'd discuss and negatively point out what should of been done. This pattern repeated over and over again until my friends pointed out how negative I was. Over time I learned to bottle it up inside and not complain so much to them and life went on. I had built an uneasy truce with pessimism and complaining.

But in the back of my mind I was always thinking the worst of events and situations. This built up in me for many years and finally came to a climax my freshman year of college. When again my friends pointed out how negative and pessimistic I was.

It was this time I realized I wasn't happy with myself or my life and I decided to do something about it.